"I just need my sit spot and Mickey and everything will be ok" barely making out the words before inhaling them into my tight but hyperventilated chest while making my way into Mickey's pasture.
"Scheduling a hypnosis session before directly going into class probably wasn't the best idea yesterday. I should have known that I would be pummeled again today by the waves that come up in class." I thought to myself as I felt my tailbone sink into the grass.
6 months ago I came across a hypnosis practitioner that specialized in dream work, ET experiences and other odd phenomenon... could it be more fitting? My entire life struggling with my night time hours, the many many many different beings encountered and different lands I have been shown and all the other weird shit I experienced silently through anxiety and depression. There was never any context around any of it for me. Stories told by others mostly resonated until I heard their spiritual belief systems woven through their experiences and then my reflective walls would come up reminding me to look inwards. BUT HOW? How do you choose to look at the painful and bizarre experiences that have always led others to believe I was crazy when shared.
It wasn't until my first session that I truly did understand that the answers are within and I just needed the right space holder with a huge heart, open mind and a strong connection to their own guidance to maintain this container and the wisdom in pointing at the 'challenging to look at' aspects of my self with encouragement and confidence but compassion and patience.
The magnitude of this work through Depth Hypnosis is so mind blowing I had to get involved, and so I did. I enrolled into the program and am working my way through it. With all of the sessions I have been in or have facilitated at this point I can see that everyone's experiences while in a session are 'one of a kind' They all look and feel completely different from one another. I can't stress that enough. Because we are all so uniquely different from one another. Though we are all collectively riding this wave of consciousness together, the ancient source threads of our souls are woven together in such magical and eccentric patterns and when following one of those source light filaments, you never know where you will end up with it as it has no arrival point or end. These light filaments are not a linear string to follow either, they are fields of potential and possibilities that have unfolded into the vessel or are to be unfolded into the vessel. Some are even to remove and let go. One thing however I do see in common with each other's hypnosis experiences is that at the end of each one, there is a sense of gratitude, honor and compassion that seems to be felt on both ends, both with the client and with the practitioner. It's palpable. The client is grateful to have had space held in this loving way and to have come closer to some resolution to the investigated emotion that surfaced in session and the practitioner always seems to feel the magnitude of the shift and change and understanding this person has just had. Its a beautiful thing... Though that leads me to back to my sit spot... where I sat in a puddle of distress after several sessions of opening the lid to the can of worms for 2 days straight in the most intense ways.
With out the gore in details I will just say that these 2 days I continue to revisit a place where I was witnessing several versions of myself dead, standing in front of me. Dead in all different ways. One with her head off, one in a pile of ash, another bloody and burnt... you get the idea. By the end of the second day of visiting these images I was faced with one that I am certain I will never forget the horrendous details of. But I was able to make some peace with it and did have resolution with that aspect of me. However, that was the wave that knocked me over in a way that I couldn't find my feet on the ocean floor for several minutes, and taken out again by another wave of fear of what is to come in the next two days. And another wave of doubt, that how could I possibly do more of this. Two more days means probably at least 4 more sessions of digging. And then another wave of "I am not good enough to do this, I am too fucked up".
It wasn't but a minute of crying, wondering how the hell will I look at more intestines, brains and blood, before Mickey showed up. Though he looks as tall as a giraffe in this photo he actually is a miniature horse, I am literally sitting in my sit spot and he is standing over me. He came directly to my head which was folded over my knees and rested his lips on the base of my skull. Breathing his warm mini horse breath into the back of my neck, I saw the version of dead me with out my head turn into a beautiful beam of light that shot up to the sky of stars and flashed a twinkle at me. I lifted my head up to look at mickey and he put his lips on my forehead and breathing into my head i felt the urge to close my eyes and just receive what it was he was trying to help me with. Another image surfaced, the most gruesome of all images, it was terrible to see this again in this detail but I surrendered to Mickey's magic. Again this image of me turned into a bright beam and shot off into the stars twinkling beautifully.
I felt such great relief in this moment that I began to sob, thanking him for his help and wondering how this little tiny horse could have known the depth of what I was experiencing. He wasn't finished though. Next he did what he does best, he provided comic relief. If you can imagine this little fuzzy horse muzzle nuzzle my ear lobe and then through my hair. He picked up the string to my sweatshirt and gave it a little tug. And then he licked my nose and that is all if took before my tears of anxiety turned into tears from blissful laughter. He didn't stop doing this until my energy was completely shifted into a grounded but playful childlike way. My chest became cooled off and felt like it was expanding into the feeling of floating on a cloud. Pure bliss.
Now I write this the morning of my third day, am I ready... Yes. And yes, I said that with a big deep breath before being able to say YES. I am ready, thanks to the amazing fundamentals of the Depth Hypnosis created by Isa and my seriously incredible Hypnosis practitioner, Daniel Rekshan, thanks to the loving teacher assistants at Sacred Stream that help to hold space while we all are learning how to be raw and vulnerable from being client and shifting into the role of space holding practitioner, thanks to myself for doing this work to know myself, but most of my gratitude I have this morning is for the little tiny healing horse that is looking into the window as I am writing this. I know where I will find myself this evening after another round of waves.
